A Reckoning.
*Warning: This post discusses abortion and other material NOT related to design. Click out of this post if that is offensive to you.
Today, I am unhinged. Truly and deeply exhausted, full of rage and despair.
First it was about the guns, the dead kids, the fear.
Now it’s about losing my own bodily autonomy. Together it’s almost unbearable. I don’t know what to do, where to start or how to move forward with focus.
It’s beyond my own comprehension that I find myself living in a country that prioritizes money, power, greed, retaliation, outdated documents written by slave owners who saw women as property and books written by men who thought the world was flat over modern day women as a gender. That now, as of Friday, there are states in this country in which a woman is deemed a vessel and has fewer rights than a gun. Fewer rights over what happens to their body than a corpse (Think about it- you can CHOOSE to let your organs rot in the ground instead of potentially save a life, since this is about “saving lives”, right?)
I am tired of fighting. I want to just focus on my work- the beauty of home, design and fashion- my children, my own life here in this state I am so grateful to live in given it’s status as a safe place for women with reproductive rights and slightly less insane gun laws (but still far too lenient). But what kind of person would I be if I just kicked back into my own privilege? It would be SO MUCH EASIER if I did. For me and for my family. But you know what, I can’t do that and feel good about my place in this world. Not this time. Not now. Because it’s not about me, it’s about all of us and it is a breaking point, ladies.
Truth be told- I am a white lady from New England who was raised and lives in privilege and I will always be able to get the care I want and need and so will my children. I’m done having children with no risk of getting pregnant again (snip, snip) and when Emma becomes old enough I plan to make sure she not only can comfortably come to me when she wants to become sexually active so we can take all the proper precautions to prevent pregnancy, but also feel she can come to me if she is in trouble. Makes a mistake. Is taken advantage of. Whatever it is. Because I have no idea what life holds for Emma- I certainly had no idea my virginity would be taken without my consent in high school (luckily I was already on the pill for medical reasons, so at least I had that going for me). The only thing I can guarantee her at this point is that she will have a mother who will fight to the death for her to be able to make choices about her own body, her life and if, when and where she has her own child. Because if I know only one thing for sure in this life, it’s that being a mother HAS to be a choice you make. It is one of the greatest, but hardest, things I’ve ever done. I cannot FATHOM being forced into being a mother. I especially cannot fathom it as someone who already is struggling to make ends meet, has no paid leave, no familial or financial support, mental health issues, physical illnesses…. a myriad of things that already make life challenging. I had every advantage in life, and it was still hard. IS still hard.
As you may already know, I fought tooth and nail to have these kids. I put my body through reproductive hell to have these two beautiful babies of mine that I look at in awe daily. 2 rounds of IUI, 3 rounds of IVF, 9 embryo transfers and 8 pregnancies. My first pregnancy was ectopic which we had to terminate to make sure it didn’t rupture, 2 were natural miscarriages, 2 were missed miscarriages followed by D&C’s and one was a termination at 10 weeks due to unviability. All those babies were DESPERATELY wanted. All of them mourned. All of them left a scar on my heart that I’m not sure I’ll ever heal from, even though I ended up with two perfect children, which is all I ever wanted. Abortion is not just an elective end to an unwanted pregnancy- it’s often a medical necessity, as it was for me. Abortions save women’s lives when a pregnancy threatens their life. Abortions end pregnancies in which the fetus will never survive outside the womb, or would only suffer great pain if it did (please, please read this account from a follower of mine who sent it to me last night). These woman are already suffering broken hearts and bodies, and now they are sentenced to suffer tenfold – or even in some cases, die themselves. And yet multiple women- all of them have been Bible quoting Christians- have messaged me daily telling me I’m a murderer for supporting a woman’s choice, that I’m a terrible mother for “wanting to kill babies”, a monster for allowing Emma to “murder my future grandchildren” that “I must be insane for supporting women choosing to ‘rip babies limb from limb’ as a ‘method of birth control’. ”
And this folks is is when I fucking lose it. Because it is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.
To quote CDC DATA (yes, science based fact): “The vast majority of abortions – around nine-in-ten – occur during the first trimester of a pregnancy. In 2019, 93% of abortions occurred during the first trimester – that is, at or before 13 weeks of gestation, according to the CDC. An additional 6% occurred between 14 and 20 weeks of pregnancy, and 1% were performed at 21 weeks or more of gestation. These CDC figures include data from 42 states and New York City (but not the rest of New York).” You can research what is involved in a termination in the first trimester in detail (I am not a doctor), but the short version is it’s either simply a PILL you take or its a tube and suction. The rhetoric around blades and ripping and horror movie imagery are all driven by fear mongering. The anti-choice people messaging me seem to think we are all here cheering on women getting elective abortions of healthy babies at 27 weeks- NO. That is not what this discussion, or law, is about and if you think it is, you need to do some research on the data above and reframe your statements based on the facts about when most abortions are performed, how and to whom.
Even harder to digest still are those states in which there are no exceptions for rape or incest- Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee and Texas. In what WORLD should a woman be forced to carry her own rapist father’s baby? (Side note: Incest very often creates babies with genetic disorders and severe health issues- what about those lives? Are they not to be considered?) This is not about babies or the right to life, this is about CONTROL and POWER. When we give more rights to a rapist or incestuous monster than to a woman, we are committing violent atrocities not only to an entire gender but all of humanity. Other nations, once again, looks to us in complete disgust and horror. How is it the “greatest country in the world” allows people to repeatedly commit mass shootings AND forces women to carry the babies of violent, abhorrent criminals? And if you try to tell me “well those are very rare cases”– so are abortions past 20 weeks. Let’s not mince words and facts here.
If you really, truly want to save the lives of children and babies, vote for common sense gun laws. Vote for free contraception. Vote for paid family leave. Vote for maternal care. Vote for education. Vote for a woman’s right to choose. Vote for the things that ACTUALLY save the lives of children. Don’t scream about children’s right to life and then vote for candidates who refuse to regulate the guns that are the #1 reason children die and turn their backs on women who bear those children (did you know murder is the #1 killer of pregnant women as well?) If your stance against abortion isn’t about money, power, control and racial supremacy- if it is actually about saving lives- then PROVE IT. Prove it with your vote. Prove it when it comes to ALL aspects of human life, not just one issue.
I’m going to get back to posting what I know and do best, but right now I am struggling to care about those things. I am literally shaking with rage. But I will find a balance between activism and my career and personal life. It’ll just take time to process and figure out. For now, I’m going to rage. But then I want to find actionable ways to somehow help right this ship- because if anyone can do it, it’s pissed off mothers and women. So if you have any ideas, links or advice, please leave them in comments for us all to consider. In the meantime, you can donate to causes like The National Network of Abortion Funds, Planned Parenthood Action Fund and The National Women’s Law Center and make sure to ask your employers (and ask your spouses and partners to ask theirs) what their policies are for female employees traveling to or working in states that have criminalized abortion healthcare.
Stay safe, stay vigilant, STAY ANGRY.
Browse:
Abortion is the killing of an innocent life. Period. A living person. If you don’t want a baby, be proactive. Use birth control or the morning after pill. Bodily autonomy is a lie. There is no bodily autonomy for the child that was conceived by no choice of their own. And educate yourself. Planned Parenthood was founded by the racist Margaret Sanger. In fact, those that abort babies due to abnormalities or gender or deformities are no different than the Nazis. God have mercy. I am shocked that anyone, especially someone who has carried a baby, can advocate for the killing of a living, innocent baby. It is unfathomable.
Erin,
I don’t think that I would enjoy your blog as much if you didn’t take a stand and feel passionately about the issues at hand. I am with you, most of us are. Thanks for using your voice and platform.
Right on! Thanks for your post. It’s important that people know how many people support a woman’s right to choose what to do with their own bodies.
Thank you for this. I can’t imagine what a woman has to mull over when considering an abortion- I can’t put myself in their shoes. Neither, in fact, should our politicians be able to.
I needed this today. Thank you.
I am from Canada. My parents are from the Netherlands. The Netherlands has one of the lowest rates of abortion in the world. Why? Abortion is legal. But there is also an incredibly strong social safety net for all citizens, regardless of income. There is pre and post natal care, all free. There is maternal care, again, free. Yes, the taxes there are high. And yet life there is great. In Canada, we have a strong social health system (even with problems, it is still one of the best in the world). My father has almost died many times in his life, and in the last ten years has battled Guillain-Barre Syndrome, and is currently fighting against bladder cancer. In all, he has had several life saving operations, months of chemotherapy, post operative care in the hospital and at home, and months of rehabilitation. All free. My parents do not have any additional health insurance, and yet they have no fear of medical debt. I want to live in a country where my tax dollars pay for each and every person to receive free medical care, social services, and yes, abortion. I agree with every single thing you have said. This is not an argument about religion or about killing babies. It is about power over women. It is about misogyny. My Canada stands with you.
Yes, exactly. And yes to your other post about gun violence. I’m exhausted, terrified for my children. Sad and scared. Thank you for giving voice to the emotions so many of us mothers feel.
Spot on and I love you for speaking out.
Thank you. So well said
Amen Erin. It’s hard to be a mom of three girls right now. Thank you for your transparency, honesty and calling out the money and POWER side of this topic. The utter fear of women being equal to men is the foundation of so much dysfunction in our country, silly me for thinking we were progressing past that.
I have nothing to add except my applause.
Thank you for all of this. I second every word. I was a fan before of yours and this solidified it.
Thank you for using your platform. Everything you stated was spot on.
goodness, I love this so much so, I’m going to print it off and just hand it to people who want to understand why I’m pro choice. Keep telling your truth Erin!
Amen
Thank you thank you I feel the same way and I am so glad to see it reflected.
Thank you. This is such a great essay, I will bookmark it to read again and again. I’m surrounded by people in the Boston/Cambridge area who feel the same way I do on this issue but this brought comfort and solidarity because you voiced everything I am feeling. There are many things to comment on, but I’m particularly angry because we KNOW that restricting/outright banning abortions doesn’t stop them, it just makes them more likely to be unsafe and increases the trauma surrounding an already difficult situation. It also has long term consequences. The Turnaway Study is an excellent study to look up for more info.
Let’s also use our privilege and be judicious about where we spend our money! Many companies (J.Crew is an example) have spoken up for reproductive rights recently and I am going to make a point of supporting them. I am reaching out to companies who I haven’t seen a statement from yet. If I get no response or they stay silent on the issue, I’m not going to patronize them anymore. Seriously. Please join me in this!! The website http://www.dontbanequality.com is one good resource to check out. Erin, if you can, please consider promoting brands that are going to stand with us!
It so sad that the Supreme Court isn’t balance. In my opinion that’s how governments work best. That being said VOTE the senator OUT that support anti abortion and guns.
Thank you for always standing up for what you believe in and for using your platform to share these truths.
Thank you for speaking up and advocating for children and women’s rights.
And I am so thankful that a horrific 50 year old wrong has been righted. It is a VICTORY!!!
Thank you for speaking out!
Thank you for choosing to speak up. I’m grateful to hear another sane voice during this insane time. I have a 17-year-old daughter who now has less rights than I did. What the hell? I am angry and frustrated and scared, too. Before my two beautiful children were born, I had a late abortion (despite WANTING to be pregnant) for complex medical reasons. It was a gut-wrenching decision, but absolutely the right one. My Catholic GYN did it, despite personally opposing abortion, because she understood the medical necessity. Our bodies (as well as our lives) as complicated, and every woman must have the right to make these decisions for herself. I will not let my children go to college or shop or live in a state that does not respect women’s rights. And everyone in my family will VOTE again and again until these old, out-of-it, self-centered, power-hungry men (and women) are out of office and off the courts. We will prevail! We must for our daughters!
I recently have started to wonder if this debate is being framed incorrectly or too narrowly. I admittedly am not a mother, although have been trying to get pregnant for two years and have recently started fertility treatment, so perhaps I don’t understand the issue in the same way. But to me, this isn’t about abortion/motherhood, it’s about women having total agency over their bodies. Period. The frequent argument against Roe is that the constitution doesn’t explicitly guarantee the right to abortion or the right to privacy, which is true. But I believe that it does inherently guarantee every person to have autonomy over their body. If it doesn’t, how does any person enjoy any of the rights guaranteed in the constitution? How do we vote? How do we work? How do we own property? How do we live if we don’t have complete say over our bodies? I do not say this to discount the perspective of mothers, rape victims, or any other woman. But to me this issue is so much more basic and innate. If I am going to be a free person in this society, I must first have autonomy over my body. That is what scares me to my core. The Supreme Court, and many states legislators, are saying that women are not entitled to control over their bodies, that state politicians are entitled to that control. Right now it is with regard to abortion and motherhood, which I agree is profound given the immense implications to that woman’s life. But what’s next? How might politicians want to control my body in the future?
Thank you
Erin,
Thank you for speaking up and sharing your thoughts about this issue with the rest of the online community.
If we want to protect ourselves and get back some of our personal rights, we need to vote and vote in large numbers. This is just the beginning of the extreme agenda. C.Thomas wrote about what else he wants to get started on. The fact that the minority in this country is controlling things and overruling the will of the majority is a big problem. We need to VOTE!
This post makes me so sad. I think we have become so desensitized to abortion and I think most woman don’t even know what an abortion actually entails. The baby just doesn’t disappear. It is either suctioned out or their little body parts are taken out one by one. When they use the pill woman bleed for days and then have to see their little baby come out after. It’s emotionally terrible on most mothers and the procedures can be barbaric. I hate how you try to soften it. We are so out of touch on what really is happening. This is about HUMAN rights. These babies need protected. Planned Parenthood is evil. Talk about racial supremacy. I was very surprised you would recommend this to your followers. The founder was racist and they profit off abortions. They have ruined so many woman’s lives. Everyone should do their research before funding this organization. Sweet babies just thrown in the trash. I don’t know how we have come to this. So trust me, I understand the rage. I have seen enough photos on what they have done to make my stomach sick for weeks. Also, the misinformation online about ectopic pregnancies and having a D&C. This has nothing to do with abortions. All life saving procedures are available to woman. That has not changed.
The pro life community did prove it with their vote…Roe was overturned. But now that Biden is in office we have to pay double for gas, groceries and have to worry when we can get formula to feed our
babies. I also had to take my children out of their public school because of the overreach of our govt and the sexual content they think is ok to put in front of our elementary children. So yes…I vote for common sense.
Unfortunately I think many privileged people are out of touch.
There is so much misinformation here. Can a 10 week old fetus survive outside the womb without the woman’s body? Not even close. Is a fetus legally considered a person until birth? No. Is prenatal care and maternal leave guaranteed in this country? NO. Have you had an abortion or a miscarriage? Doesn’t sound like it. I’ve had 6 losses- and I can assure you there was no “sweet baby” I had to pass- because they were all before 10 weeks (when MOST abortions are performed). Also, not all are elective- some are done to save the mothers life or save the sick fetus from a life of pain. The selfish act here is taking away the choice to end a pregnancy early and safely away from women. Now you can face the wrath of increased murder of women, illegal and unsafe abortions, a huge increase in children in foster care, poor babies with parents unable to care for them treated horribly or abandoned (or worse), a massive uptick in welfare needs…. Etc etc etc. You are BLIND. I am so sick of this Bible beating argument that holds NO water.
Megan- the constitution was written by a bunch of racist, slave owners. Are you going to keep defending it? NO ONE HERE IS A FAN OF ABORTION. The fact that you referred to the pro-choice movement as such shows how deeply uneducated you are. No, your post was not factual- you did not link to any medical studies that show me that “most women are tortured by their choice to have an abortion”. Also, 99% of abortions are not “by choice”- like walking into a Starbucks to get a coffee. Again. DO YOUR RESEARCH and prove it (not on conspiracy website, preferably). I’m also disgusted to know you are in favor of incestuous forced birth and therefore child abuse. That alone makes your “poor babies” argument null and void. If you cared about actual lives you would vehemently oppose this. And you would be out marching to ban assault rifles (are you?) Unfortunately, all this will be clear when we see the actual repercussions of what this does to the red states that have banned women from choosing. It will be devastating- as if this country needs more carnage.
All of the things I said in my post are factual correct. I encourage everyone, yourself included, to do your research. Now that you know that Planned Parenthood was founded by a racist are you going to continue to donate to it?
The crux of the abortion debate is where does life begin. The argument of this life doesn’t fit my lifestyle or is a societal burden is not taking account the rights of the 2nd person, the baby. There is no language in the constitution (despite what some politicians have recently said) that allows or denies abortion so the Supreme Court correctly overturned Roe and put the decision back at the state level from a legal perspective. If you look at the states that are restricting abortion they aren’t banning abortion rather not allowing abortions for convenience.
Clearly you and I don’t agree when life begins. Scientific advancements over the last 2-3 decades have given us much better insight to the different stages of a baby’s development in the womb. All of this now can be easily found with a quick google search along with the horrors of what abortions look like. Just because something is more convenient or easier doesn’t make it right. We live in a society that doesn’t want to be accountable for its actions but feels more entitled.
Fewer than 1% of all abortions take place because of rape/incest. That means 99%+ of women (and men are usually involved with the decision) that get an abortion have a choice. In most abortion situations women and men have a choice whether to have sex or not and should be prepared to live with the outcome of that decision.
On a personal note I did have a miscarriage and I cried about it for months afterwards. My husband and I still think about that baby and think about what life would be like if that baby survived. Anytime you are dealing with the termination of human life that should not be talked about so caviler and is a serious matter.
Lastly a life isn’t tied to a specific religion. Although all religions teach respect for life the majority of atheists I know also respect life. I realize in your eyes a baby in womb isn’t a life and that’s where you and I disagree. I do not hate you for that but don’t understand why you would think that with so much information available. The evil people in the world are the ones that believe that a life is in the womb and are pro abortion.
No Bible beating argument presented by me. Science, human biology, informs us when a new human life is formed, when it begins, and it’s at conception. A one-week-old baby, a one-month-old baby, a one-year-old baby cannot survive outside the womb without the mother, the father, or some adult USING THEIR BODY to care for the baby. Might does not make right in the taking of a human life at any point of growth or development, at the earliest stages or the latest. If it wasn’t a NEW LIFE growing within the womb of a woman, it wouldn’t need to be killed. Why do some women think they have the right to expect someone else to end their offspring’s life? Their is a difference between medical care for a miscarriage or problematic pregnancy and abortion, which is a proactive ending of human life. Milllions of women understand this and accept this, whether or not they consider a pregnancy a blessing, a burden, or a combination of both. And they will continue to advocate for human rights and for the prevention of allowing women to “choose” to end a life that affects their body and life, BUT IS NOT THEIR BODY AND NOT THEIR LIFE.
I completely agree, Erin.
Why do they think everyone believes in God? Especially “their” God. There are many religions around the world and theirs doesn’t reign supreme. Their “rules” can apply to them, but stop trying to act like they also apply to me.
Well said, Megan. Luckily for babies, and all Americans, there are many, many women who THINK and feel the way you do. That is why, after 50 years of rage, disgust, patience, and determination, there was a reckoning on June 24, 2022, one that changed the 50 abominable years of abortion. Abortion: the ending, the KILLING, the stopping of human growth, the cessation of a heartbeat, and then the disposal of a human life–a human life that took two other humans to create.
No other logical or scientific reason can be argued, but that a pregnant female has a human baby growing inside of her. IT IS NOT HER. He or she has its own DNA made up of half of his or her mother and half of his or her father. He or she is not a thing. He or she is made up of human cells, just as all humans are.
When a mother wants this life she takes prenatal vitamins, receives obstetric care, ultra-sounds, and sometimes, in utero surgery. She cares for her health and does special things to care for her growing baby. She finds out its gender, sometimes at a party. She hopes for his or her health, dreams of what he or she will be like and look like, and selects a name. A civilized society does not condone the killing of human life within a woman’s womb. He or she is a human being at it’s earliest stages of development. But it is separate from his or her mother, although he or she depends on its mother for its life to continue. The mother and father will need to continue to use their bodies to care for their child once it emerges from the womb. The baby will need to be held, carried, fed by breastfeeding or by bottles, bathed, clothed, and protected. The baby’s parents will be required to use their bodies to care for their child. They won’t be able to claim “bodily autonomy” to not care for the person they created. Women are free to make many decisions regarding their reproductive activities–killing a new life once it has begun should never have been and should never be one of them.
I had an abortion and haven’t suffered one single moment. It was easy, painless and not a tough choice. It was a healthcare decision that I made based on what I know to be best for me. It was not a “ sweet baby” it was a developing blob of cells and some tissue. You are so delusional I fear for the children you are raising to be similarly brainwashed and anti women.
Heartbreaking, beautifully said, and RIGHT ON. Keep on speaking up – loudly.
Well said.
Thank you! Your words help save me.
Overwhelming. Former foster parent of kids who were all sexually abused by their parents, burned by their parents, unwanted, drug & alcohol syndrome.
Thankful for you.. #Persist.
100% with you
I, too, am a woman from New England who is well-beyond my child-bearing years. I, too, am white and privileged and have been able to afford healthcare. I did, however, live in Texas for 30 years – where I bore and raised 2 daughters. I completely share your feelings and am almost beyond functioning with sadness and anger.
I too am full of rage and I’m not even American. As a Canadian who “lives” above America I feel I have a unique perspective. America is NOT the greatest country in the world- it hasn’t been for quite some time- no offense. You are the country that put a man on the moon- the moon!! But alas science and discovery are no longer what makes it number one. Between your gun culture and your war on women I don’t know how any of you function. You have a very vocal group of people that want to rip your country apart piece by piece. A vocal group that wants everyone to think as they do when it comes to religion. And a very vocal minority that has allowed a woman’s right to choose her destiny impose it’s archaic rule now into law. How do you even stand it? You HAVE to fight. You CANNOT give up. You have to fight for rights that quite frankly affect not only woman but children and men as well. Use your powers for good, lead with kindness and NEVER GIVE UP!
I Hope you were this passionate when people were forced to take vaccines or lose their jobs. As for always enjoying your financial privilege, don’t be so sure. The world takes a lot of turns. You WON’T take anything with you. Seek God while you still can.
Perhaps, Wendy, it is you that needs to seek a new “God”. Making vague threats to strangers on the internet and making false equivalencies around life-saving medical interventions don’t seem very “love they neighbor” to me.
Hey Wendy – you were NOT forced to get a vaccine we’re you?I would never make it so because I believe in body autonomy. I think it’s stupid not to, but guess what- in this country you are free to believe what you believe. No- it’s not illegal to not get vaccinated. But you and your peers just made it illegal for me to make my own choices based in my beliefs. What happened to religious freedom? I don’t believe in God, so stop trying force it down my throat.
Thank you for so eloquently expressing the rage and sadness I am feeling.
Thank you!!
Do you understand that the decision merely puts this back in the hands of individual states?? Do you get that you or your daughter will still be able to abort your babies if that’s what you want? Do you get that your rights as a woman should not always supersede those of a child who has its own dna and is not merely an extension of you? Good God. Forever signing off as one of your readers. You are truly unhinged. (As well as uninformed).
Do YOU get that not everything is about ourselves? Yes, as I clearly stated if you read the above essay, I know I will always be able to get an abortion if needed. I am fighting for OTHER PEOPLE in states where they ahve banned abortion. But all you anti-choice folks seem to care about is your opinion, your religion, your party, YOURSELF. You are taking away FREEDOM from Americans. You get that right?
There is nothing uninformed about what Erin wrote, Amanda. Mere hours after Roe was overturned, Missouri banned abortion. This meant that anyone needing an abortion to save her life- ectopic pregnancy, infection in the uterus etc- could not have one without doctors consulting with attorneys and maybe getting permission to save a life. Does the right of a woman not to die if a fetus is not viable and may kill her not matter? What if that were your sister, daughter, granddaughter? These are some of the issues at stake.
Bravo.
Thank you. This has been weighing heavy on my heart and mind. You are absolutely correct – this is not about saving lives, it’s about control and power. And it absolutely terrifies me. I am afraid for those living in states that have banned abortion for any reason. I’m afraid for their lives. I’m afraid what this will lead to. But I am also mad as hell. And I will not stay silent. And I will fight.
Well said Erin.
The only way to be heard is to stand up for what you believe in. My grandmother (born in England) was a member of the suffragette movement and fought alongside Emily Pankhurst one of the first women in the world to demand the right for women to vote. A group of women that broke the ground for all of us. These brave women demanded change and won. United we can do it again if we have to.
I truly understand all the rage….but what I don’t understand is where is a woman’s responsibility to NOT get pregnant in the first place. Let’s please be honest here, not all aborted pregnancies’ are a result of rape. Yes there will always be medical situations where it will be necessary, but again most are not that. All I ask is in the discussion, let it be about responsibility as well. WE have become a society of me monsters…there is right and wrong…and as long as women want to have sex wherever and with whomever. …There will be risks that unfortunately, as a woman we are going to be the one more responsible for…..Creating life is a precious thing….ending it should not be always about “our right”! Not unless you genuinely feel we should have no responsibly with the results our “right” bear. Birth control and the morning after pill is free and available…a serious problem is facing we are a lazy society that doesn’t want to TAKE real control of our selves.
Thank you for a forum that allows thoughtful debate….without it we are not free.
Can you please inform me where we all can find “free” birth control and Plan B in every single state, without exception? No laws requiring parental consent, no waiting periods, no costs for the pregnant person? Can you also certify that all states teach comprehensive sex education? No??
Can you then explain my pregnancy while on the birth control pill? Or my pregnancy on the birth control patch? I’m all ears.
Right. I live in a blue state and work for a Fortune 500/have pretty good benefits. I have to get a new Mirna this summer. It’s going to cost me a little over $1,000. I’d love to know where to get a free one. The kicker, my husband had a vasectomy so I don’t need it for birth control. I need the Mirena to control my horrible periods. Prior to having one, I was anemic. I’d bleed through a super plus tampon in 30 minutes. I had cramps so bad I’d throw up. On the Mirena, I still have cramps and a light period but I can function normally now. Guess what? After the ACA, the Mirena was free. Trump rolled back provisions for affordable and accessible birth control so now I have to pay a grand.
But yes, please tell me where to find all this free birth control and Plan B? I’d love to know.
It’s also truly disgusting, Maura, how you place all of the blame on sex and pregnancy on women. It takes two to have sex and men are just as responsible for creating a life as women. You’re shaming women for having sex and it’s a bad look. Gross.
Theresa:
It’s interesting you place all of the responsibility on women. What about men? Do they not have any obligation to prevent unwanted pregnancies?
Your comment: “as long as women want to have sex wherever and with whomever” as if women seeking abortions need one because they are “easy” or “sluts” or “whores” or “irresponsible” and will just hit up the abortion clinic after a night out is disgusting.
Men are not the ones who get pregnant. Yes, they should be responsible but few are. When a woman consents to sex, she should realize the consequences of her actions. If you don’t want to get pregnant, take birth control,! The way to fewer abortions are women being educated how you get pregnant. And honestly, is there a woman who doesn’t know how this happens???
I read your design blog for design insights, not for your personal, political views. Although you are clearly passionate about your views, they are not of interest to me. I’ll be unsubscribing.
Of course your name is Karen. 😂
Who cares that you’re unsubscribing? Bye, bye.
Erin, thanks for putting into words what so many of us think.
So freaking well said. Thank you for finding the words when many of us can’t.
We all have to keep speaking up and you have the platform to do it. Use it. I’m not offended you stepped outside design posts–it just shows you are a strong, smart, authentic woman which I certainly appreciate. Thank you for articulating the reality of what we are facing so well.
I could not have said it better.
Thank you! I admire you so very much for your design talent, impeccable taste and willingness to speak out and not remain silent. I am in Georgia, supporting Stacey Abrams for governor but so very concerned. I am grateful my daughter got out of the south and attends college in Boston. I am a lifelong democrat but I am frustrated they aren’t doing more. republicans gerrymander, refused to allow a Supreme Court nomination while Obama was still president, actively suppress voting … dems need to do more
Brilliant, vulnerable, and full of understanding and love. Thank you for writing – and sharing – your thoughts and experiences with us xxx
YES, to everything written here. Nothing to add other than my abortion story (I’ve had a pill abortion, vacuum and a DNC – zero regrets and one was a life saving procedure I’m thankful for because now I have my son). I haven’t ever been to your blog, but I will be a reader of it now. Thank you – it’s nice to know I’m not alone in all my feelings (including extreme rage).
AMEN
Thank you for speaking out/acting and not just staying in a happy, safe bubble <3 <3
Thank you so very much.
Eloquently written, every single word of this post. I am a long time follower. I have always admired your work and all of the content that you post on design, fashion and family. I love that you express your joys, rages and sorrows on this platform. This post was spot on-I am right there with you-bravo!
You ALL realize abortion is still legal in the US. In the states that elected to limit it, through the peoples’ votes in their respective state legislatures, is legal and unlimited up to 15 weeks. That’s 4 months into a pregnancy, which is PLENTY of time to make that decision.
I live in Arkansas and it’s illegal now in Arkansas – no exceptions. Also in South Dakota, Missouri and Alabama. Other states will shortly be that way too. Where did you get your information?
Courtney, what are you even talking about? Abortion is now ILLEGAL in several states wither from the moment of conception or once a fetal heartbeat is detected. AT least read the news before you come on here with your comments: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2022/jun/28/tracking-where-abortion-laws-stand-in-every-state
I love how people say “oh, well it’s still legal to have an abortion, but your state gets to decide”.
As if no woman in a state that bans abortions needs one. As if 100% of the constituents agree that abortion should be illegal in said state.
It’s not so easy for everyone to just pack their bags, have money for transpiration, hotel, gas, childcare, time off from work, etc. so they can “just go” to a state that will perform the services they need.
Bravo. Perfectly written. You capture all of my thoughts, my anger, my rage, my frustration.
Well said. Thank you!
Thank you for your courage.
Yes to all of this.
Thank you for your words. We must wake up and fight so our daughters and girls in this next generation can have no fear.
There is also something that I don’t hear many people discussing…that being…We have at least 4 Supreme Court justices that LIED during their nomination hearings…3 of them being nominated by the last president!
This was a wonderful post that expresses my own feelings far better than I could have. I am enraged right along with you. Thank you expressing yourself on these issues and doing so so articulately.
continue to stay safe, vigilant and angry as long as it helps to get out the vote and keeps the state legislatures and house and senate democratic!!!!!
BEST POST EVER!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing Erin, it needed to be said. Also, yes, as a Canadian, I do look at your country with horror and disgust. Let’s hope things take a turn for the better and fast.
Thank you for speaking out – eloquently said.
I admire your courage and honesty… I wish more women (and men!) would speak up. We can’t let these people win.
Just want to say YES to all of this, and thank you for a very well expressed post.
Thank you, Erin. You are an extremely talented designer, and yet the power of your pen may be your greatest gift. Let’s promote NARAL pro-choice America and pro-choice candidates,
volunteer as poll workers and encourage people to vote pro-choice in state elections.
Thank you for posting. 100% agree with everything you have written. The only way to have a chance of reversing this appalling travesty is to vote in mid-terms and make sure that there is a large enough majority in both houses to bring about the changes that are needed. Sadly, SCOTUS is too right wing and is completely ignoring the 14th Amendment and people’s civil rights. Now they have reversed Roe, they will set their eyes on contraception, gay rights, more women’s rights etc. They only way they can be stopped is to vote for the people who can bring about the change you want to see.
We need a World Wide Womans Walk OUT – Out the office in all its forms (classroom to chambers) to show our solidarity that we stand united. Great post and spot on.
Thank you for being so open and honest. I know you are getting some blowback.
We are arguing with people who cannot be moved as it’s based on religious dogma. However, America is not supposed to be a theocracy.
You’re not unhinged. You’re righteously furious.
Yes! Keep speaking out! Thank you!
Thank you for your brutal honesty and passion. Thank you for challenging the nonsense and demanding a better way. Our children deserve better. Our aging parents deserve better. I saw Jane Goodall speak the other day and she said, “How is it the most intelligent animal on the planet is destroying its own home?”
Thank you for this, Erin!!!
I’m a fellow designer and woman and alarmed citizen. I have taken to shouting out two action steps beyond the essential one of voting:
1. Help others register and vote (I realize voter disenfranchisement is less of a problem here in Massachusetts but we can still make sure our neighbors can check that their registrations are good, get to the polls, and so on)
2. Don’t just vote – – be the person to vote for. RUN FOR OFFICE and also support the candidacies of other decent people (these days that means democrats / independents…. The R party has absolutely run off the rails).
If you have the capacity to volunteer, run locally. Run for the local school board, the library committee, election officer, etc etc.
If you have the capacity to have it be your main job, run at the state or federal level. With social media being free, a campaign can be done on a shoestring. Then get in office and make the policies we want to see.
Also another local resource is We Are America the Beautiful – a group of women mostly based in Manchester by the Sea who are ON IT with issues – they invite speakers (like the SPLC), host discussions on voting rights, clean energy, gun violence, the DOJ, etc etc etc. On FB and online at https://www.weareamericathebeautiful.org/
And if you aren’t already a follower of BC American history professor Heather Cox Richardson (via FB and email subscription) then do look her up – she is a voice of steady reason and perspective with a missive every single day (and FB live things once or twice a week). She frames current events in the longer view of US history and is eloquent and accessible and brilliant and, well, completely awesome.
I don’t know what to do about the bible-thumping women who are carrying the water for male supremacists. I’m sorry they are venting at you, hopefully with the vociferous support of the rest of us they will just go away or maybe even see the light….
Yes Robin! I came here to say say all of this so I will just second all of your comment. The Bible-thumping hypocrites can go live in caves with their Neanderthal “masters” for all I care. For those of us who believe that women are capable of making our own choices in life, we need to continue to encourage and help elect pro-choice candidates and not rest until we get these extremist CAVEMEN out of office and our uteruses for good.
Erin, I am very sad that comments are not posted automatically….perhaps one of the reasons nearly all of the comments are pro abortion. I think one of the problems facing our country is that we are only allowed to read and hear what the powers that be want us to hear. Everything from Twitter to fb to the WSJ and the NYT…blogs……even your local school board! it appears no one wants to dialogue anymore…. We are just told what to do. It’s horrifically sad! I pray you have the courage to see other view points as well. We will never heal otherwise.
No Deb, they are posted without my approval or control- in other words automatically- where did you get that “info”? Also the reason most comments are pro- choice is because that’s what MOST Americans think! Look at the data! Most Americans support abortion access.
Your comment above about “ tubs full of aborted baby parts” is bullshit and blatantly FALSE. So sorry you fell for it, but it’s just simply impossible.
I’m all for healthy debate and exploring ideas that don’t match our own but I am absolutely against forcing anyone to adhere to MY beliefs, even if I feel deep convicted in their righteousness . I don’t believe in God or any organized religion but I wouldn’t dream of making a law that prohibits you believing because I respect your right to decide what you need from this life even if I don’t agree .
I believe in science and vaccines, but don’t support vaccine mandates because it removes body autonomy which is a human right, or was up until Thursday. Even though it angers me that people won’t get vaccinated and I know more death will occur I simply cannot tolerate regulating a fellow humans medical decisions. See how it works? We all should be free and fully respected as the sole decision makers for our lives, our bodies and our own sense of morality.
No woman should seek to limit the rights of anyone, especially another woman.
What a fabulous post! F-yeah. I’ve also loved reading all the supportive comments. We need to stick together.
Perfectly stated!
Save your rage for when you address your state legislature as you participate in the messy process of making laws. Where in the US Constitution do you all find a “right” to have an abortion? You should be rejoicing that the Supreme Court recognizes that its role is not to legislate.
Um, my right to religious freedom for one.
Thank you for writing this. You are not only a beautiful decorator but an amazing and thoughtful woman and mother. Thank you!!!
So well stated! Thank you & I applaud you🙏🏻
So well said! I applaud you and thank you 🙏🏻
Exactly. Thank you.
Well said. I’m a lifelong Republican but I officially changed my registration Monday. This is not consistent with my ideals — less government control. I do not recognize the party any more. I cried most of the weekend. I have 2 daughters and I’m going to fight like hell to make sure they have at least as many rights as their grandmother did.
I left the party the week of Jan. 6th after being a Republican for 45 years. (I never voted for Trump) With all the crap happening lately I thank God every day I made that decision.
Thank you for so eloquently summarizing the rage so many of us feel. While I follow you for design inspiration, I admire you for using your platform for change. I will not be a second class citizen in my own country.
Thank you for speaking the truth and standing up for ALL of us women.
Three years ago, my sister was misdiagnosed as pregnant . Mistaken diagnoses happen, right? Yeah but in a red state with draconian abortion laws, her docs literally told her that while they believed she wasn’t pregnant (she was insistent she wasn’t) their “hands were tied legally.” Unfortunately, that phantom (undetectable in the ultrasound, another clue) baby wasn’t a baby—it was a rare form of cancer, and as a result of said laws, she was forced to wait six weeks to “see if it is a slow growing fetus.” It grew alright…into an inoperable rare cancer that spread throughout her abdomen and by then it was too late.
Every day I think about her and miss her and wonder if she’s still be here if she didn’t live in Conservative Evangelical Christian Hell. (Sorry not sorry).
Susan I am so so so sorry.
Thank you Erin, for using your platform to speak out for those that don’t have the same audience or voice. You are respected and appreciated. ❤️
I’m so proud of you. Thank you for sharing your view and raw emotions.
[email protected]
Raising a child is a sacred duty, and a life long duty.
I am passionately prochoice and not pro abortion.
I’m resentful when judges appointed by a vulgar, uncouth and divisive president are able to make a decisions for intelligent women. A court that believes it has that right, is not fit to serve.
Spot on, well said and totally agree!
I can hardly begin to write this, but it will be the new reality. Instead of legal abortions, there will be more and more full term babies found dead in dumpsters, along the side of the road, buried in shallow graves…on and on. It’s terrible to think about, but it will be reality, along with the many women who die from their own attempt at an abortion. Yes, some of the unwanted babies will be left in safe drop-off sites, but not all. For those left at hospitals at the time of their birth, there are fosters to take care of them until they can be adopted. Adoption in many states takes years and can be a huge financial burden for adoptive parents. Many states will not allow anyone over 40 years old to adopt a child under 5 years old. Why hasn’t this whole process been changed in favor of speeding up the adoption processes and making it free? Sure, these out of touch judges and legislators thinks it’s fine for a 15 year old to raise a baby, but a responsible, loving 40 year old can’t adopt one. I just heard that in Texas alone, over 100 children have died while in foster care in the last few months in just that state…WTH! In most of the states that have abolished abortion, IVF and other medically necessary procedures using fertilized eggs will be or already have been banned or limited.
We can change all of this, but it will take time.
Thank you. You’re not alone in the rage!
Yes, yes, yes. As an Arkansan and a mother- thank you for using this platform for good. Raging and fighting alongside you.
You are the best ! I will continue to support your blog and business. Thank you for sharing your story on this platform
Bravo!! Well written and researched.
Thank you Thank you Thank you-we should all stay very angry.
Morality cannot be legislated. I believe murder is wrong. Some people and states disagree with that. I can still be civil and loving with those who disagree. Can you?
No because you belief system forces me to not be able to be free. My belief system allows you to do whatever you believe in. So no, your argument is bullshit and I resent you thinking your definition of “moral” is the only definition. But that’s what is so fundamentally wrong with the anti-choice movement.
Also directed at Deb: even after 1973, full term abortions were only allowed in the rarest of cases, so I wonder about the veracity of these photos:
“by Mark Tushnet, from Abortion, Medicine, and the Law, Third Edition, 1986, pp. 162
“The final stage of pregnancy under Roe v. Wade occurs after the fetus becomes viable[4]. After viability, the state could regulate or prohibit abortions unless they were “necessary, in appropriate medical judgement”, to preserve the life or health of the woman. This standard must be read, however, in light of the Court’s decision the same day in Doe v. Bolton, that clinical judgement “may be exercised in light of all factors — physical, emotional, psychological, familial, and the woman’s age — relevant to the well-being of the patient[5]. Thus, the Court nominally allowed the state to prohibit post-viability abortions except in apparently limited cases, but it actually defined the limitation in a way that bars the state from prohibiting such abortions if physicians are willing to perform them.”
This is a comment directed at Deb. I am a lawyer. I would like to see the actual reference where Ruth Ginsberg disagrees with the outcome of Roe. v. Wade. Whether she disagreed with a line of reasoning is one thing, but I have never, ever read anything about her disagreeing with the outcome of the case itself. I would like to read it if you could make the link available. Thanks.
I have for most of my life been pro-choice……there has been a shift in my opinions on abortions in recent years. There is a huge corporate push for for abortion for the harvesting of body parts…. To be sold at a huge profit! This Spring, tubs of nearly full term aborted babies were found in DC. I saw pictures of these and I could not help but sob! I look at my own children who are actually adopted and could not possibly imagine their lives being snuffed out by an abortion. God is the giver of life and every breath we are able to take. How can God possibly bless this country when we cannot protect the most innocent lives? You want to protect them with gun laws… but not from their earliest days of life. Many do not understand that abortions will continue….But at the discretion of each state as it should be. Even RBG herself did not believe in Roe vs Wade…. She found it to very flawed case.
Can’t thank you enough for using your platform to amplify the issues that really matter the most. Love you so much.
Yes, agree 100% We need more who speak out!
Beautifully said. Thank you
Thank you for your thoughtful post. It has been a scary and depressing time for women-and hopefully for the men who support them. I fervently hope the overturning of Roe will encourage people, especially younger people, to VOTE! We need people in power who reflect the majority of Americans’ views on abortion, same sex marriage (at risk too) and other social issues. Hopefully change will come…
Thank you. Brilliantly said!
Dear Erin, I have always admired you for speaking up! You are amazing! Love your work, your posts and mostly your attitude and freedom of speech! Well done! Much love from Portugal xx
I love that you are speaking out and have followed you for more than a decade ( you used to live near me in the South End. This also makes me bananas crazy and I am an eternal optimist but this on the heels of Gun reform are making me feel helpless, but I am going to turn this into action. Unrelentkess action and will not stop. This world should be better for our children. Not worse.
Bravo!
The supreme court’s ruling is giving this back to the states, where it should have been all along. If you feel strongly for or against…..then you need work on electing officials who will share your views in the laws that they pass.
80% of Americans want abortion to be legal. This ruling is due to ILLEGITIMATELY ELECTED presidents placing partisan people on what is now a completely illegitimate court. A court made up of mostly people without uteruses making decisions about the health of people they don’t give a shit about. This argument is ridiculous and completely ignores the issue that women across the South (for example) now have nowhere to access the reproductive care they need.
No, you are wrong. No state, country, continent, or planet in this whole damn galaxy gets to make my medical decisions. I do, full stop with no ifs, ands or buts.
Wow. “Going back to the states” is the same argument folks used to support slavery and other atrocities, You should probably try some critical thinking.
That’s it !! Why not teach your daughters and sons to respect themselves enough! I’m not against abortion. It’s going back to states to decide. Abortion is not becoming illegal.
Chloe (and I apologize for the lack of capitals, i am not sure why my keyboard is acting up), do you really believe that abortion should be legal in one state and illegal in another? That a citizen of the united states should have the right of bodily integrity over herself in, say, california but not in texas? how does this make sense? if all people are created equal, shouldn’t they all have equal rights under the law? that is why roe v. wade went to the supreme court in the usa in the first place, and why abortion was legalized by the highest federal courts in other federated countries, such as canada.
and yes, the entire outpouring of rage, grief and fear over the overturning of roe v. wade is that states are now outlawing abortion, in whole or in part.
Chloe, I really hate to be the one who breaks this to you but pregnancy is a potential outcome of sex, not a consequence for having insufficient “ respect “ for oneself. States don’t decide what medical procedures I elect, I do.
I’m the only person who is in charge of my body, and as a woman, you should uphold that truth for all other women without exception.
You are kidding right??? The whole reason people are mad is because abortion is now ILLEGAL in so many states? Wow, ignorance at its finest!
Thanks for speaking out and not remaining quiet. Way too many women are just silent. Why? Because they don’t think it will affect them. They are wrong. Women who are carrying wanted babies will die as well as the women who don’t want to be pregnant. We have lost the right to say what happens to our body…that is scary enough. Is it just the beginning?
You really encapsulated the anger, sadness and outright bafflement that many of us are feeling in the wake of all the recent SCOTUS decisions. Thank you for using your platform to do so! I’m saving and sharing.
Thank you! So sad and angry but have the slightest glimmer of hope that with all this anger we will create change.
Shaking with rage as well. Guns currently have more rights than women in the US. I wanted to mention the Repro Legal Defense Fund. They support women who are investigated, arrested or prosecuted for self managed abortion or pregnancy loss or for helping someone else end their own pregnancy. Criminalization of pregnancy loss was already happening. I can’t imagine what things will be like going forward now that women are officially second class citizens. Also, take care about your digital footprint. Delete period tracking apps, pay cash for period products, be careful on social media and with your phone location. Vice recently asked all the major tech companies if they will share user data related to abortions with law enforcement and none of them answered the question ( I couldn’t get it to link here, but comes right up in google).
Both sides here and no judgement either way as I will share my side. I once had an abortion early in my twenties. I didn’t do much to prevent pregnancy since I pretty much didn’t care…I adored my boyfriend and when I did get pregnant he wasn’t thrilled and I was coerced into an abortion; he ended up leaving me in the end. Thankfully at the time abortion was convenient. Ironically I had just taken a part time job with Planned Parenthood assisting with abortions. It was my first day and the gal training me was showing me the ropes. After the procedure we would take the suctioned contents into a room, spread it out into the pan to assure all was accounted for. I will never forget looking at the tiny rib cages, arms, legs…all in pieces. I didn’t last past that day at that job. It changed my prospective.
California up until the mid ‘70s could legally euthanize those individuals that were mentally and physically deemed unfit for society. A practice that the United States utilized and surpassed the Nazi regime at the start of WWII.
So at what point is any life considered “inconvenient”?
What does this have to do with women losing their freedom to make choices for themselves? I’m all for YOU making your healthcare decisions and for ME to make mine.
Thank you for taking a stand for what is right! Love your interiors…but love this more.
Exceptional post.
Well said!!
Before the Roe v Wade reversal, our babies were as safe as our school children.
Dividing cells is not a baby yet.
Thanks for sharing your story and your point of view. I am outraged also. My grandchildren will have fewer rights and autonomy than I have had. Just sickens me.
Thank you for speaking up for better gun regulation and the right to choose when we give birth. I’ve shared this with several of my friend. Cathy
Such an excellent post, Erin. I share your outrage, especially at the utter hypocrisy of “pro-life” and “pro guns.” There is nothing pro life about this, it’s just anti-woman. Let’s all keep up the fight!!
God bless you – yes I love God & His Word AND guess what – I agree with YOU. I’ve studied the Bible for half my life and have never heard ‘abortion’ mentioned in the Bible. In fact, Jesus was very supportive of women’s rights (John 8:1-11). And God Himself took/killed – whatever you want to call it, David’s first son (2 Samuel 12). I give you these verses, not to fight back against others but to help you know that God is bigger than all this and some people don’t know what they don’t know. Don’t give hope and don’t stop fighting for what you believe is right. Hugs to you and your family (Numbers 6: 24-26)
I couldn’t agree more – VOTE !!!
I could not agree with you more. It’s truly a dark moment but we must not give up! The fact that people are still against gun control after the mass school shootings is unimaginable, and now women’s rights are being taken away? Unbelievable. I am the mother of a 15-year-old boy and I can tell you that we discuss the importance of these issues all of the time. An honest, educated conversation with facts, not one-sided archaic beliefs.
Erin, Thank you so much for using your platform to educate, motivate, donate and contribute so eloquently and helpfully. You and Emily Henderson are the only design blogs that I regularly read and buy from because the two of you are willing to speak out authentically on what is important. I do believe design and beauty matter, but pale in comparison to what is happening in our country now. I just can’t with the bloggers who keep asking me to buy sh*t and haven’t acknowledged any of what is happening around them…
Bravo! I’ve never been more terrified and more outraged at what’s going on in this country. If you’re not angry- you’re not paying attention. We are being held hostage by extreme religious fanatics. This has nothing to do with originalism. It’s all about religion. It is literally The Handmaids Tale come to life. They will not stop with abortion so rise up, resist, and vote them out. Keep posting -you have my complete support.
Thank you for using your platform to speak out against such atrocities. Well done!
Spot on, thank you Erin!
Bravo!
F yes.
Yes!
Well said!!! Now is the time for women to stand up and be counted. Our future is dependent upon our voice.
Erin, yes to everything!
You asked for suggestions. You, like many who have a platform should if possible continue to post about these issues.
The problem in this country, one of many, but one of the problems is that wherever there is a school shooting, natural disaster, war, Afghanistan, and now this, the life cycle of rage and posts by influencers is about a week(from what I have noticed) and then it is back to what I bought on amazon, and other posts.
There is nothing wrong with that, I realize it is part of the job, and how people make money. And that they have families, bills, etc. And that they do not want to be activists.
BUT, maybe peppered in between these posts could be a post like this, something that reminds people “hey” this is still a problem or an issue and I want to call it to your attention.
Just a thought.
Thank you for sharing such a well written, though provoking post.
I commend you to the moon and back for being willing to fight for women’s rights – and in doing so, taking a risk that it will impact your business. The Supreme Court has made three terrible decisions in the last few days that all will negatively impact our freedom and our democracy. Yet, of all the high profile designers, you are one of a small number who are protesting. Most of the high profile women are saying Zilch – like there is no problem at all. Gay rights are also under fire, but you wouldn’t know it from the posts from many of the famous Gay designers who wouldn’t have their fabulous lives were it not for the people who fought for LGBT rights. If we are not willing to speak out, protest, and vote, we will not have the freedoms we’ve all come to enjoy – not now or for the next generation. So, Erin – thank you!
I agree. I am so disappointed and hurt by so many of my design idols staying silent to either please rich clients or in support of the loss of women’s rights. Because when they don’t make it clear where they stand how are we to know?
Karen you are spot on.. So many saying zero and not supporting women or gay rights. Their silence kind of says everything. They either are not willing to hurt their bottom line, human rights be damned, or they are on the side of those who want women to lose choice..We should be expecting every American we know, especially those with a platform, to be speaking out in these frightening times.
Thank you for this post.
So this is what happens when women are seen as a threat — having too much education, knowing too much, saying too much, doing too much…We wouldn’t want females to have any POWER, now, would we?
I hope you continue to speak up about important, timely things. Thanks for sharing your passion about this topic, and so eloquently, too.
BRAVO ERIN!
Bravo Erin.
Well said! Thank you for using your platform to speak up, I wish more would also do!
Like it’s been said referring to the Supreme Court “Do NOT impose your beliefs & religion on all Americans!”
Bravo. I almost have no words for what’s been handed to us as women and am glad you’ve been able to find some and express them eloquently.
No where have I heard what happens in the event of fetal anomaly. 25 years ago I became pregnant in my late 30’s when I was on a medication that could cause severe birth defects. (short limbs) I opted to abort the pregnancy. The doctor told me I was doing the right thing. Do I feel bad about it? Of course I do!
Thank God I live in the wonderful state of California. I heard someone say “the Supreme Court no longer wear black robes. Only red and blue.”
Erin, I agree with 100% of what you’ve written. I find myself, more and more, to be pro-choice and pro-child. We’ve got a serious mess to clean up in this country.
I wish I was as articulate as you so I’m sharing this with my adult girls. 100% agree – it’s ok to be angry and upset – it will propel us forward. I’m here for your blog-good, bad and the ugly.
Erin – so very well said! You should run for office. I live in Arkansas and am so ashamed of women in this state supporting these outdated laws. One is our attorney general of Arkansas, who is running for Lt. governor, and the other is Sanders running for governor. I’m in my 60’s but will fight for women’s rights until the day I die.
Erin, thank you for using your platform to voice how so many of us are feeling. Your words remind me that if I sit silently, then I am complicit as well.
Hear! Hear!
I enjoy your blog as a resource for interior design, but it’s great to see a woman with a moral compass is also behind the curtain! (see what I did there? ;) )
There is a reason you are a successful writer – you put into words my rage with clarity and wisdom. I applaud you and thank you.
Thank you–so well said.
Brilliantly written, Erin. We all need to stay very, very angry at this outrageous attempt to control women and their bodies. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do and continue to do in support of women’s reproductive health. You are an inspiration and a fighter.
Thank you, Erin. On Instagram, AOC has some very inspiring AND practical things to say about this devastating situation.
Vote! Make your friends, family, co-workers, & acquaintances vote! Vote local, state and federal.
Register people to vote. Volunteer to drive people to vote. Stand with them on election day (there will be indimidation I’m afraid). That is the ONLY way out of this. Mitch McConnell blocked two democratic opportunties to appoint Supreme Court Justices. Without these, there would likely be a 5/4 majority “liberal” court. It will be a 6/3 “conservative” court for AWHILE. We are now going to have to rely on congress. We need strong democratic majorities in both houses to deal with the issues Erin raises. Please, please vote.
PREACH!!!! VOTE!!!!
Your post has lifted me out of the depression I have been in for the last few days. Not for the message of hope (IS there one?) but for the reason that you prove there are many MORE women who feel exactly as I feel. And they are happy to speak out. Especially if they have a platform to do so! As a 70 year old with no particular platform or group who listens to me, I am frustrated beyond words, watching what is happening. In fact I’m feeling rather violent myself! So reading your “rant” I can only say YOU GO GIRL! If I had a young daughter, as you do ( I have three grown up boys) I would feel exactly the same. I doubt I will be around to be of much help to my three young granddaughters but I will teach them what I can, while I can and their parents be damned. OK just kidding about that part, but you know, families are divided by this issue…I’m afraid to ask how my two daughters in law feel about it. Should I start the conversation? Thank you Erin. As usual, I like your design sense AND the rest of your sense too!
Louise, abortion is ALSO a men’s issue. Do you think a 13 year old boy is ready to become a father? How about a 15 year old boy? What if your son has sex with three different girls before he gets married and they ALL get pregnant? Hello baby daddy.
Thank you. Sharing.
I could not agree more. Thank you for writing down what so many of us have been feeling. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thank you for continuing to raise your voice, Erin! We will all keep fighting the good fight; it’s the only option.
Thank you for your leadership!! It is inspiring and badass!
How would men feel if it were their bodies being controlled? What if we passed a law legislating men’s reproductive rights? If a man does not have a vasectomy, he is required to be licensed and carry liability insurance to pay for childbirth and related expenses to age 18. Or practice celibacy. If caught practicing sex without a license, he can be arrested and imprisoned for up to 18 years.
Just throwing that out there for discussion. Because no woman has ever gotten pregnant without male involvement.
And we all know that if men could conceive, they would be offered free contraceptives, unlimited paid parental leave, and there would be a Planned Parenthood clinic inside every neighborhood Starbucks. Erin, your observation that a woman now has fewer rights than a firearm made my blood run cold. Thank you. And we must ALL stay angry!
Yes! I love this!
Thank you for speaking out!
Well said Erin! As someone who is currently 24 weeks with my first child I cannot imagine being forced to go through this life altering process if unwanted or unviable. Horrifying to watch this unfold from Canada and wonder if it’s a preview of what’s to come here. Let’s keep up the rage, there’s too much at stake.
Fellow Canadian, Emma. Yes, I am terrified of our future here. We need to really pay attention to who is running in the future elections, both provincially and federally and make sure we vote. And encourage other people to vote as well. Apathy will be the death of us. I get very upset when people say, “whew! Thank goodness we’re in Canada!” Pay attention people!!!
Spot on, Emma and Brenda. Pregnancy and parenthood is a life altering process even in ideal circumstances. We Canadians need to keep our eyes wide open and get take part in our elections. The abysmal voter turnout in the last Ontario election was so disheartening!
Sharing. Thank you for putting all this to words when I struggled to do the same. I feel hopeless, ANGRY, confused, and outraged at the constant hypocrisy. Going to stay the course and keep fighting, for my daughter.
Design may be what you know and do best, but you do activism pretty damn well! Thank you for this, every single word.
This is the best thing I’ve read on this subject. It blew my socks off! Erin, I wish we were friends in real life because I admire the heck out of you!
Great article and good for you for speaking out!
FIGHT ON! Could a 13 year old adopt a child? A 15 year old? An 18 year old? OF COURSE NOT – they are not financially or emotionally prepared to be a mother and legal guardian. I simply cannot wrap my head around why young women of this age will be forced in to motherhood.
FACTS – abortion rates are lower now than they were in 1973. (https://www.guttmacher.org/report/pregnancies-births-abortions-in-united-states-1973-2017) This is attributed directly to increased access to birth control and an increase in the number of women who have health insurance, particularly in the last decade. Per UCLA Fielding School of Public Health, birth control has gone from comprising 20% of out of pocket healthcare costs to just 3%. I am genuinely fearful that that all reproductive rights could possibly be eliminated if the few in power continue down this path.
Thank you for being brave enough as a public figure to speak out. Personally, I sobbed int the bathroom for 5 minutes on Friday. I am also a person who struggled immensely to conceive (10 years total) and now have one very very wanted baby boy through the privilege of gestational surrogacy with a painful d&c from a missed miscarriage along the way… So if people think that abortion rights only apply to women “irresponsibly” and accidentally getting pregnant, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
That being said, I am also a privileged white lady who lives in California, where I have access to the care that I need including the d&c I had. This issue more painfully affects fo many others who don’t have the privileges that you and I do. Thank you for pointing this out.
IF/WHEN/WHERE your daughter chooses to have a child. This says everything, because it ALL should be a CHOICE.
Yes, yes, yes. But you are not unhinged. Your eyes are wide open and you are coming into your power!
Also, the new We Can Do Hard Things podcast is really powerful. Amanda just nails it. Highly recommend.
Thank you a million times for posting this.
Brava. In tears reading this. I’m a rape survivor and cannot imagine my life if I carried a stranger’s baby the second time I ever had intercourse.
Thank you for your gorgeous design work AND your heartfelt messages about your own perspectives and experiences.
Bravo. Thank you for writing this! I’ve heard it said that anger drives out reason. Well I don’t want to be reasonable anymore. Not when the fundamental right for a woman to make choices for herself is stripped away. It won’t stop with this ruling, I believe they will go after same sex marriage next. I’m frightened to the core that the highest court of our nation seems to make decisions based on political views and, as you stated, a constitution which was enacted during a time when slavery was an accepted principle. Something I find ironic is that the U.S Dept. of Educations data shows more women are completing their degrees: 65% of women compared to 59% of their male counterparts. So is there a base out there thinking ….let’s take women back to 1973 – that will show them. Heartbreaking times for the equality of women.
I absolutely agree with every word and every emotion. We must stay mad and vote. Voting is the only way to effect change. We must remain vigilante and not forget! This is a serious turning point.
I applaud your bravery and vigilance.
I also celebrate your talent and creativity!!! Keep on!
Thank you!!! This is perfectly said- it’s spot on 100%!!!! Thank you!!!!
Thank you so much for this post.
Thank you for using your platform for all things beautiful, decorative AND hard to talk about. I follow and relate to you because of all of this – your passion for design, motherhood and simply trying to be a decent human being when the world is going to crap around us. Keep speaking up. We all have to. It’s how change will happen.
i am proud of you for speaking up. If men could get pregnant, you could obtain an abortion at an ATM.
Actually, if men were the child bearers, women would run the world.
My husband watched me endure three terrible deliveries and said “if it were up to men to give birth, civilization would cease to exist.”
Just thank you.
Yes. This.
I rage, and cry, and escape my fear with pretty things, and mindless tv and anything that stops me recognising everything that is horrible in the world.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with the shit of people when you speak out on this subject.
I’m sorry for my lack of consideration that what I see happening now to people (white middle class people) has already been happening to so many women and girls, in supposedly ‘first world’ countries. I’m so goddamn sorry I can’t fix the whole world.
I could not have said it any better! Thank you for putting into words all that I feel.
Thank you.
THANK YOU. My first time was also without consent. Unrelated to that incident, I had an abortion when I was 18 because I knew I didn’t have any resources to care for a child and I wanted nothing to do with the father. It was legal and thankfully easy to schedule and once it was over I said it was the best decision I ever made, and I stand by that. Now I have two beautiful babies that I was READY for. Seeing you use your voice and platform for this gives me hope and invigorates my anger knowing there are so many allies out there. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you for using your voice. Fear, rage and disgust is what I am feel but I also know I am raising a strong, patient and kind daughter who will I have no doubt will never be silent and I could not be more proud of that.
I’m sorry and I applaud you.
Amen. Shaking with rage here too.
Strong. Eloquent. Fact-based. Angry. Thank you🙏
Well said. So important to look at the data surrounding abortion, not just the rhetoric.
100%. Love your dedication to speaking out.
Really well written and has some great summary points I’ve already shared. Thank you for using your platform! 🙏
Yes. Thank you for sharing this important message and personal experience. My skin crawls with anger and I find myself speechless – but spreading messages like this one will help unite our voices and inspire people to act! Thank you!!
Spot on!
Hi Karen, like I said, this is not a topic for black and white thinning. I was taught to look at issues from every angle and to use logic and reason. There are a lot of people being led astray right now in thinking that miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy is same as abortion. If abortion was really women’s healthcare then why do so many countries limit it? For example: France has a gestational limit of 16 weeks, Spain’s limit is 14 weeks and Italy’s is 90 days. In South Africa and Mozambique, abortion is permitted but limited to the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.
Amy-thank you for that correction, so much for my hasty research. That said, I’m aware of the healthcare and childcare provided in much of Europe. In Texas, depending on income, pregnant women can get their care covered 100% by Medicaid up til 2 months after delivery. More and more companies are offering paid leave for mothers and fathers. This is a step in the right direction.
Jane-thanks for your reply. The key with miscarriage is that the fetus has *already died*, so therefore a D&C is not an abortion, even though they might be the same way an abortion is performed after the fetus is killed. So a D&C is a reasonable procedure if needed in case of a miscarriage. As for ectopic, similar situation, the fetus is in wrong place and would not be able to develop until, so it’s reasonable to have an ectopic treated because if left untreated the fetus would have died regardless and now the mother could die. Principle of double effect.
Jane—from what I’ve read, the state abortion bans do all have exceptions for the life of the pregnant person. Theoretically. What that means in real-life situations, of course, is debatable and we know where this is headed. Semantics, I know, but important to have a bullet-proof argument. You know, like the vests our kids are going to need for protection at school…
Mary, respectfully, many of the states banning abortion are not making ANY exceptions, including for the life of the mother or for rape or incest. The SAME procedure used for abortions are used for ectopic pregnancies and for miscarriages that don’t expel on their own. If you use logic and reason, like you claim, the next logical step is doctors being afraid to perform NEEDED care because of repercussions. States are banning a needed medical procedure. If that doesn’t cause you alarm, I don’t know what to tell you.
I echo Karen’s sentiments here and feel that you want to appear to be thoughtful while also pushing your opinion on others. Furthermore your information is FALSE: Abortion is Italy is FREE within the first 90 days but allowed after 90 days if the circumstances are warranted. You know what else all of these countries have? FREE universal healthcare, and PAID maternity leave (up to 5 months in Italy, 4 in Spain and France). Better do your homework Mary.
Roe v wade took away the humanity and the voice of the unborn child. Overturning this restores their humanity and their voice.
Hi Erin! I love your design work. I’ve been reading you blog for years. I see you are very passionate about protecting innocent lives, and so am I! Question, can we talk about what the court decided? They have put abortion legislation into the hands of elected officials. In some ways this can be a good thing for society. We now are forced to talk about abortion instead of seeing in it black and white. For instance, abortion in the 2&3rd trimester requires that the fetus’ life must be ended in the womb and then the body is taken apart in pieces. Or, in some states, if the fetus is accidentally delivered alive, it’s left to die. This, to me, is barbaric. Now in the cases of miscarriage, where the fetus has already died a natural death, or ectopic pregnancy, where the fetus doesn’t have a chance to grow, the care of the mother would be a medical necessity. There are sooo many facets to this debate.
I’d really like to see the factual documentation of these babies “left to die”- that is nothing I’ve heard is legal nor practiced from any medical professional. You do understand there is massive false information out there the anti-choice movement is spreading to scare people about abortion- especially late term (which has been illegal in MANY states for a long time and is a very very rare occurrence and almost always a medically necessary one not an elective one)
Couldn’t agree more Mary.
I’m sorry Mary. But “elected officials” (or men in general) are NOT the people who should be deciding what is best for me or my life – I am an educated, intelligent, capable woman. I do not understand why women (like you) do not trust that you are capable enough to make decisions for yourselves. As someone who has worked in abortion clinics (Planned Parenthood), I can assure you that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I counseled was PERFECTLY capable of making this very difficult/thoughtful/PERSONAL decision without the “help” of anyone, including me. Please ask yourself why you don’t think women are capable of making their own healthcare decisions? Is it perhaps because you don’t think that YOU are capable of making personal healthcare decisions for yourself? Why do you need a man/stranger/“elected official” make a decision like this for yourself? Why do you see women as incapable? If you have personal challenges/shortcomings, then why don’t you focus on those and leave the rest of us do manage our own lives. The women I know – personally and professionally – are perfectly capable of this. Why aren’t you?
No, Mary, you do not in any way shape or form believe “there are sooo many facets to this debate.” You are just trotting out “talking points” you have been trained in so it appears you are a decent, thoughtful person. But it’s obvious you want no abortion for anyone ever. And that you do not give a flying fig about women, women’s rights or mothers.