Fashion Friday: A Shorts Story
I have a love/ hate relationship with shorts. Wait, that’s a lie. I have a hate/hate relationship with shorts. I have a very hard time finding a pair that I think look good on me anymore. I always feel exposed, pale and kind of uneasy in them. Lindsey said yesterday she found a cute pair but they were “standing only” shorts, which nearly made me spew coffee out my nose because I can relate. I refuse to drive in shorts because I feel gross sitting in shorts for some reason- it’s like, an actual phobia of mine now. But when it gets really hot it’s nice to have a couple pairs that work for me as maxi dresses and the like just aren’t functional for being up and down and sideways with a little one all day.
The key to shorts is finding the right length and fit in the hips/waist. I tend to size up so that they don’t pinch and have ample room in the leg, which is a bit more flattering. I like a 3-4″ inseam at this point in my life, especially when paired with sandals with a touch of lift to lengthen the leg (also, wearing nude toned shoes helps lengthen the leg visually as well!) Wearing a tailored, fancier pair (with a print or embroidery) with wedges and a long sleeve top (sweater or button down) can work great for nicer occasions too!
Here are a few pairs I like:
1. (great similar version with scalloped hem!) // 2. // 3. (see me wearing these below)// 4. (alternatively, these are great at $30!) // 5. // 6. // 7. // 8. (I have in black- stretchy cool material and so comfy!) // 9. // 10. // 11. // 12. // 13. // 14. // 15.
Probably the only pic of me in shorts since 1996- love these- I sized up to a 6 so they fit a little lower on my hips.
sunglasses // sweater (old-similar) //necklace (old-similar) // sandals (have mini wedge and comfy!) // baby- not for sale :)
Now lets have a chat about denim cutoffs- at the risk of sounding like Jerry Seinfeld, what is the deal with the high waisted Mom jean cut offs I see on nearly every teen to twenty-something walking the sidewalks? Ladies, these shorts literally only look good on Beyonce. LITERALLY. It’s the most unflattering cut- and maybe that’s a hipster thing, you know the “looking bad is looking cool” vibe, but MAN. BAD.
Also, the pockets hanging down thing- no. Just no.
And if your jeans shorts fit like this and I can see your ass cheeks hanging out, you aren’t wearing shorts, your wearing ratty denim underpants.
Looks to emulate when it comes to cutoffs? Jen and Mila- casual, relaxed but not vulgar and uncomfortable looking.
Browse:
So adorable of you and Henry! Man, is he cute! And I like the shorts, too.
Very cute panties. I wand to buy my wife :)
Surprisingly Loft has good shorts this season. They have the boho vibe, are cute, and a good length. I haven’t shopped at the Loft in years but a couple of the shorts are staples this summer. Worth checking out (and totally affordable).
I also have a hate/hate relationship with shorts and that j.crew factory pair is saving my life this summer. Thank goodness!
Lovely shorts! Amazing shorts in the second photo!
I was just talking about this with someone today. I cannot wear shorts either. I have long white nearly albino looking legs since I’ve spent the last 4 years living in Seattle & London. I just can’t feel comfortable in them. In fact the only pairs I have are from 5 years ago, and even though my weight hasn’t changed in 15 years, they don’t seem to fit right anymore (thank you so much late 30’s). I also have to do Bermuda length- 7 inches, I can’t fathom wearing short shorts, I’m so very uncomfortable showing that much skin.
I’ve started ordering Gap shorts in a tall instead of regular – I’m only 5ft 7 but I have longer legs and the tall sized shorts end up looking less trashy…they still fit around the waist but have a longer inseam. I’m usually between sizes and tend to go to the size up for shorts too.
There is a cutoff (pun intended) for wearing denim cutoffs and it is age 35. Aging thighs need structure and coverage, and sagging everything should not be hanging out the bottom of scrubby clothes. Girls can get away with shredded cutoffs until 24-25(ish), and the clean, rolled, non-shredded cutoffs (like Mila is sporting) until about 35 depending on how your legs are holding up, and then that’s it. Anyone over 40 in denim cutoffs is mutton dressed as lamb and trying WAY too hard. Thus spake the fashion overlord.
This is hilarious and spot fucking on!
Love this post. I’ve mostly left shorts behind (no pun intended) at age 66 and am mostly in crops and capris which I can get away with in mild Seattle. But I did unearth several pair of Bermuda shorts in a recent closet purge. If they’re cut close to the leg and beige, they work on me. It’s all about finding the right fit and style for each of us.
But ain’t nobody need those raggedy denim underpants. Or jean shorts with the pockets hanging out. It’s never a good look.
Henry certainly approves..so do I!!! franki
Now lets have a chat about denim cutoffs- at the risk of sounding like Jerry Seinfeld, what is the deal with the high waisted Mom jean cut offs I see on nearly every teen to twenty-something walking the sidewalks? Ladies, these shorts literally only look good on Beyonce. LITERALLY. It’s the most unflattering cut- and maybe that’s a hipster thing, you know the “looking bad is looking cool” vibe, but MAN. BAD.
This post makes me a little sad. If you’re uncomfortable in your “sized up to a 6” shorts, what chance do I ever have in my giant size 14 shorts? (They could be a makeshift sail)
You look totally amazing, and if I had your body I’d wear shorts daily. And nightly.
I am a size 12/14 and I wear the loft shorts (#12 in the post) or the loft elastic waist version too and they fit perfectly. I was short adverse too but I live in northern va and the humidity/heat were not a good combo. It took awhile to find a brand that fit but try those and you might be pleasantly surprised.
Shorts on airplanes=phobia. CAN. NOT. UNDERSTAND.
I’m a short hater too! :) I literally don’t own a pair now but understand your need for them with kiddos. I opt for a sun dress or a tennis skirt if I need to do something active.
Yes! Those awful denim underpants. Preach girl. And I think you look lovely in your patterned shorts. I got a pair from Loft in navy with a little coral and cream. I wear it with a navy top and tan sandal to elongate and slim.
http://www.christineschwalm.com
Thank you for sharing “standing only shorts”. Now I will laugh instead of hating on myself when I am sitting in the car. Also–I feel like you need to bump the Jehovah’s Witnesses over in Copley and preach the gospel about jean shorts to the masses.
So, for many many years I would have agreed about high-waited anything, and I still think that there are a lot of styles that simply cannot look good on anyone — especially when the zipper doesn’t come all the way down to the bottom of the crotch in the front and there’s that weird extra space that, I don’t know, just looks super awkward. BUT — I have come to appreciate the tummy-sucking properties of higher-waisted jeans (though I never tuck, at least not a full tuck, for the same reason that I need the tummy-sucking in the first place), and these Madewell denim shorts are really flattering:
https://www.madewell.com/madewell_category/DENIMBAR/jeanshorts/PRDOVR~E8927/E8927.jsp
The length is also not as short as it looks online — they roll up, and I cut mine off just a little and then stopped rolling them. They seriously make your bum look amazing, the stretch is perfect, and I wear them constantly and feel awesome in them. Worth checking out!
LOL at those terrible denim diaper shorts. How long must we wait for those to go away??
Another good pair of denim shorts are Old Navy’s boyfriend shorts. They are clean and cuffed and the perfect length.
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=209118032&vid=1&locale=en_US&kwid=1&sem=false&sdkw=boyfriend-cuffed-shorts-for-women-3-1-2-P209118&brandCvoSid=JCKGAWFZMT3J&sdReferer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oldnavy.com%2Fproducts%2Fdenim-shorts-for-women.jsp
Another pet peeve with shorts – when they have the thick trouser pant type hook closure waistband. The added bulk looks like an inner tube around your waist, and Loft/Banana is really bad about that!
Oh, thank you everyone for making me feel so much better about what has happened to my ability to buy and wear any old pair of shorts. I’ll be 58 next week and although I work out and think my legs don’t look that bad, everything has shifted around so that shorts of any length just look plain stupid on me. There is one exception — strangely enough it’s the spandex shorts that I wear to the gym which I definitely will not be sporting at the grocery store or anywhere else! I am resigned to either looking awful all summer or sweating.
“Standing only” HAHAHA! Hysterical. I have a couple of shorts like that and I definitely can’t wear them to my sons’ baseball games because, oh mama, when you sit in the bleachers with them and they ride up…hello, cottage cheese, low hanging back leg skin! :-/ I bought the Loft’s Riviera 6″ shorts this summer in multiple colors and they are perfect! Got them for $19.99. Great quality!..and perfect for standing AND sitting (in bleachers at your kids’ games). Seems that with each year now that I’m in my 40’s I add an inch. Clam diggers here I come…
I LOVE these! Bought 4 pair this summer. Perfect length and they don’t ride up!
I mostly wear shorts around the house these days…I’m in my late 50’s and although I still have good legs it’s the spider veins and a few varicose veins that keep me from wearing shorts out in public. Tanning cream only helps a little…I won’t even wear a knee length skirt except in the winter with black tights. I’ve thought about getting sclerotherapy though, but then will I just get more? :(
Could Henry get any CUTER? Oh and BTW my daughter just informed me this week that she is expecting! Cannot wait. First grandchild!
Linda in San Diego
I wear shorts all the time in the summer. I just can’t imagine not with the heat. I get mine from Vineyard Vines and they are 5 inch inseam. They are perfect. My go to shorts!
https://www.vineyardvines.com/womens-shorts/washed-dayboat-classic-shorts/2H0215.html?cgid=Womens-Shorts-Pants
Since I am melting on the NC coast I have to ask…how can you be wearing a long sleeve sweater? What was your temp and is there no humidity at all? You looked great and I am jealous!
Evenings by the shore in New England are amazing- breezy 60’s with no humidity on that night!
The cut-off denim shorts trend? Why is it still around? It’s been like 3 summers now. This is your second post i think about high waisted mom jeans and my second reply. Last time someone responded to my reply trying to justify that the “high waist’ and “higher back pockets” made her short torso look better……. mmmm hmmm
PS ladies white legs today = smooth skin when your 50. Not this spotty crepe papery sun damaged stuff i’m sporting these days :(
Preach it sister! I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone thinks having your waistband up in your rib cage is a good look–enough already with the mom-pants. The up-sizing trick I actually got from Tea Leoni who said in an interview that she always wears one size larger in pants–it just looks and feels better when they sit a little lower.
I’m dying laughing! Thought I was the only one with a weird phobia of shorts! The thought of driving in shorts makes me twitch! lol!!
I so appreciate this post! I’ve always had a weird thing with wearing shorts, glad I’m not alone in this! Thanks for the recommendations!
I have a pair of JCrew boardwalk shorts from 2 summers ago – in white eyelet – and love them! JCrew has to be one source that I’ve had decent success with. A&F actually has some decent denim cut offs – I got a pair after I had my first baby and I’ve loved them ever since! Otherwise, yes, I hate shorts! Ha!
These Vince linen shorts are the best length and low on the hips (size up one) https://www.vince.com/linen-pleated-pull-on-shorts-V336021137.html?dwvar_V336021137_color=416BMA#refinedByCat=true&start=3
J. Crew Factory has some shorts with an elastic waistband that are A.M.A.ZING!!!!
Haha, yeah, I hate shorts! But once it gets hot I can’t bear to wear anything but shorts.
I have a few pairs from the Gap that are okay.
Thank you for this post! I saw your pic in the Factory shorts on Instagram and loved it! Have totally copied you and bought the pieces. You look fab and your baby is adorable!
i recently bought these and they are SO comfy. the gold pineapples add a little glam but the elastic waist and linen fabric make them easy for everyday.
https://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/shorts/novelty/PRDOVR~F2896/F2896.jsp
I recently bought the Factory version of these and they are WONDERFUL.
At age 42 (wait, what?) and 2 kids, shorts are in the rearview mirror for me. BUT, I have found that skorts from Title 9 are a Godsend. The skirt is cute enough that you don’t look like you’ve totally given up, but the skort underneath lets you chase kids around on the playground, go up and down stairs, sit on the front stoop or in the grass, without worrying about flashing people all the time. I think I own 5 or 6.
Agree! Athleta has some cute skort options too! When u spend every weekend watching your kids play sports, those say ‘ im a stylish mom, not a frumpy or slutty one.’ :)
I know this is crazy but you should try the 5 inch inseam shorts from Old Navy. I typically don’t buy their clothing because it always fits odd, but my sister told me to try them so I did. This year the cut seems to be just right and they are inexpensive so you don’t feel bad if say someone accidentally wipes sticky hands all over you. 5 inch seams to be the best length for me. They aren’t bermuda, but you definitely feel covered.
hahaha. standing only shorts.
I am so self conscious of my “cottage cheese” thighs when I am sitting in shorts, so I hardly ever wear them. I need to work on that “self love” thing a little bit eh!?
Hahaha!!! I hate shorts!!!
I have the JCrew Factory shorts from #5. I bought them because of the elastic waistband. I am 16 weeks pregnant and my current shorts are just starting to get uncomfortable. But unless you are desperate DO NOT BUY these. They are really unflattering as they weirdly sort of flare out at the bottom and the fabric is itchy and also collects all kinds of lint. Normally I live in JCrew shorts but these are a fail.
I have a couple of pairs of the Boardwalk shorts and really like them. I was hesitant to order but I really wanted a cute pair of red shorts. I’m tall and think they fit pretty true to size. I agree I’d wear cute pants all the time over shorts but I live in Florida and it’s been ungodly hot this year. You always have great, funny posts Erin, design and fashion-wise :) thanks for the other shorts suggestions.
Bummer to hear :( They had decent reviews!
I love the Factory boardwalk shorts! I have them in 3 colors and love doing a half tuck in them. I live in them. Maybe it depends on fabric?
Shorts are the devil. You basically have to hire a private investigator to find shorts with an inseam longer than 3″. It would be so, so great if no one was self conscious about their thighs and cellulite and chub rub. But unfortunately that’s just not reality! And I’m with you on the whole girls wearing shorts the size of underwear thing. How can it possibly be comfortable?!
Ha! Melissa, your private investigator comment made me laugh out loud this morning. And right on, Erin. I had kids and suddenly was like, “What? Why didn’t anyone ever tell me that these pasty white rubbery stalks were sticking out of my shorts?!”
I feel you on the inseam length! I have long accepted that my legs are whiter than a piece of paper just like the rest of me – but it’s more that the longer inseams seem to stay put whereas the shorter ones kind of bunch up for me? Maybe I don’t know how to walk, haha! These are some cute pairs for sure.